Kmart is like the Room of Requirement (see: Harry Potter). It has everything you could ever need or dream of in one space.
You can design your entire house, stock up on beauty products and even buy outfits for your dog at Kmart.
Kmart is life. Kmart is true love. Kmart can do no wrong.
Well… that’s what our naive childish selves used to think. NOW we’re not so certain, ‘cause a new Kmart toy has shaken our trust a little bit.
Let us start at the beginning.
A Queensland mum was shopping with her two little girls in Kmart, as you do, when she got the shock of her life:
“We were having a look around the doll section when my three-year-old came around the corner with this thing in her hand,” Catherine Douglas told news.com.au.
“My first impression was total shock. I said: ‘What’s that? Give it to me now!’”
It looks very questionable. VERY questionable.
This is one you need to see to believe, friends. Check out the photo here.
“When I grabbed it from her and took a proper look, I was relieved to see it was some sort of a toy,” Catherine told news.com.au.
A toy that is a banana that, when peeled, reveals a flesh coloured, giant-sized finger.
That ain’t like any toy we’ve ever seen.
And it gets worse. ‘Cause the weird banana-finger-dildo hybrid ‘toy’ is just one of a RANGE of weird penis-shaped playthings (yes, we know how wrong this sounds. So wrong.)
The toys are made by ORB Odditeez and are called ‘FuzionFoodz Squishy Toys’.
They’re basically different colourful foods/items/body parts (seriously WHY?) that kids get to unpeel just for fun.
You never know what you’re gonna get; a unicorn horn, a cob of corn, a worm, peas in a pod, a banana, a human finger, ya know, normal stuff.
They sound like totally fine and not at all suggestive toys.
We can’t speak for the kids, but as adults, we are severely disturbed.
And we have a lot of questions for Kmart.
Mainly, why? WHY KMART?
Why do you stock these?
Why do you think it’s okay to stock these?
Why have you betrayed our faith in you?
We admit, maybe we’re being a *teensy* bit dramatic here.
When you ignore the screaming “WTF?!” in your head the toys are actually pretty funny.
Funny-looking.
Images: Orb Odditeez, Kmart, Giphy / Giphy.
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