We love ourselves a biscuit.
They go well with a cuppa, make a great dessert and are the perfect accompaniment to a broken heart (a whole packet of Tim-Tams = legit medicine).
There’s a biccy for every mood.
Boring = digestive.
Flirty = Iced Vovo
Angry = Monte Carlo
Sad = ALL OF THE BISCUITS
Yes, we take our biscuits very seriously.
So when this list surfaced online we had a lot of…rage.
Real, raw rage.
TOP TEN DEFINITIVE BISCUIT LIST:
— The NT News (@TheNTNews) March 3, 2019
1. JATZ.
1A. CHICKEN IN A BISCUIT
2 TRIPLE WAFER – CHOCOLATE ONLY
3. TIM TAM – ORIGINAL
4. MALT 'O' MILK
5. DELTA CREAM
6. SHORTBREAD YO-YOS MADE BY OUR NANA
7. TEDDY BEAR
8. KINGSTON
9. SCOTCH FINGER
10 SALADA
WHY ARE JATZ FIRST?????? THEY’RE NOT EVEN A BISCUIT THEY’RE A CRACKER WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU MONSTERS??
WHY ARE TIM TAMS NUMBER THREE?
WHERE ARE THE ICED VOVOS?
THE MINT SLICE?
TINY TEDDIES?
MONTE CARLOS?
ANZAC BISCUITS?
WAGON WHEELS?
RASPBERRY SHORTCAKE?
WE ARE NOT OKAY!
AND WHY ARE SALADAS ON THE LIST? THEY SERVE SALADAS IN HELL. PROBABLY LIKE THIS:
Salada Nachos pic.twitter.com/LBYsQEhLBL
— HUNTER SPORTSWEAR (@HunterSportwear) March 3, 2019
Our biggest mistake was thinking things couldn’t get worse.
Oh how naive we were.
Because this happened:
BISCUIT LIST CLARIFICATION: WE DIDN'T 'MISS' MONTE CARLOS, ICED VOVOVS OR GINGER NUTS. THEY WEREN'T INCLUDED BECAUSE THEY SUCK. THEY ALL TIE FOR ONE MILLIONTH PLACE. #ozbiscuits
— The NT News (@TheNTNews) March 3, 2019
Then this:
BISCUIT CLARIFICATION #2: WE ARE REMOVING TIM TAMS FROM THE LIST AND REPLACING THEM WITH CRUSKITS #ozbiscuits
— The NT News (@TheNTNews) March 3, 2019
We feel personally attacked.
This is all wrong.
As self-professed biscuit experts we fixed it:- Tim Tam
- Caramel Crowns
- Iced VoVo
- Mint Slice
- Tiny Teddies
- Scotch Finger (specifically when falling apart after being dunked in white AF tea)
- Raspberry Shortcake
- Triple Wafer
- Wagon Wheel
- Monte Carlo
Disclaimer: we love ourselves some BBQ shapes just as much as the next person but shapes are not biscuits they’re crackers.
Don’t @ us.
Disagree? Vote for your no.1 here:
BRB, gonna go smash a whole packet of Mint Slice xx
Images: Sesame Street, Arnotts, Giphy / Giphy.
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